i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
