Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
