There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
