if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize