i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
