U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize