Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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