Please, let me fuck your mom
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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