so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
