I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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