Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
