everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
