is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
