he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
