I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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