Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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