i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
