Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
