I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
