i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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