1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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