Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
