You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
