All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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