It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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