wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
