you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
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Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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