Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
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Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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