Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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