I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
