Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
