woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
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Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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