I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
