my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
