One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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