I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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