just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
