It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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