Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize