i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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