i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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