I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
