What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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