Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
