oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
