We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
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So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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