i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
