even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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