Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
