eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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