They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Randomize
