Who wears a wallet chain?!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
