Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
