The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
