I'm going to jail i love you
Plan B is the new Plan A
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
