Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
