You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
