Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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